I’m posting this self-portrait in honor of my upcoming uvulectomy, tonsillectomy & deviated septum hat-trick of surgeries. I snore like a mother fucker…and have been hospitalized in the past whenever my uvula decides to swell up to the size of a cherry for unknown reasons.

When I went to the ER last time, I couldn’t talk and had written the followign note on my iPhone for the Emergency Room staff:

“Hello there is a problem with my throat. My uvula is extremely swollen. I am unable to swallow. It is causing me to choke & I am having difficulty breathing. It is very uncomfortably. I cannot talk, eat or drink. I also snore a lot. I think it needs to be removed. I believe it may be due to a gypsy curse. This has happened before. It is not strep…Please help me and CUT IT OUT!”

I did that image about a year ago…but I imagine that’s what I’ll probably look like in the weeks after my procedure. One can hope at least. Zombified!

This is what my uvula looked like the last time it went thermo-nuclear. They did not oblige my request to amputate it. All  I ended up getting was an IV of fluids and heavy doses of antihistamines & steroids.

My operation is scheduled for Sept. 14th in lieu of flowers please send pills, ice cream & XBOX games.